The Flame Still Burns
by MeredithBrody
Summary: Brody thinks over her relationship thoughts. (Brames)


**So, the second oneshot today. I wrote this one as a surprise for PinkAngel17 because... well mostly because I could and it's the first thing I've written in forever without running it over beforehand with her. SO. Icka hope you enjoy. XD.  
Shin xx**

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 _ **I know the fear and the cost  
Of a paradise lost in frustration  
And the flame still burns  
It's there in my soul forever I know  
And the flame still burns  
From a glimmer back then, it lights up again**_

Meredith Brody had already lost everything in her life once. She had experienced the utter horror of being well and truly alone. She had hated every second of it, but at the same time she really hadn't known exactly how she could stop feeling like she needed to be alone. It was always like everything was better when she was alone. Nobody would get hurt, and nobody would feel as though she was ignoring and hating them. That was always one of her biggest fears, and she knew how much those fears could cost when she let them rule her.

Everyone in their team had lost someone close to them somehow. It was one of the things they all had in common. It was something that they could bond over, and help each other through. While she had lost Emily to something she couldn't control or anticipate, losing James had been very different matter entirely. She had pushed him away in the wake of Emily's death. She had wanted him with her, but at the same time she hadn't want to let him in. She had lost the best thing in her life purely because she'd been frustrated and angry.

A few months earlier he'd returned to New Orleans, and Brody had known immediately that James was the one person she should never have let go. After the months and years separating them from their engagement James still knew how to read her better than anyone. He'd gotten her to both loosen up and open up. She'd told him everything that had scared her since moving to New Orleans. It had definitely helped her settle again, but she'd also learnt that the love they had shared for such a long time was very much still there.

Maybe, just maybe, she would always have those thoughts and feelings about James. She knew that he was there in her soul. They were meant to be together, but practical considerations mattered more. She hadn't been sure she was ready for a relationship where he was going to be in another country most of the time, and he hadn't been sure he'd been truly ready to settle down. Both those things were still true, but at the same time she was pretty sure that they both thought this wasn't worth losing all over again.

When she thought about it, she was pretty sure that all of her friends had some sort of relationship that just wasn't going to stop. Be it a romantic relationship or a friendship. Be in another agent, someone from another agency or someone outside of their careers. All of them had someone they couldn't and wouldn't let go of. It was probably for the best that she wasn't completely sure that she was done and over with James.

Once upon a time, what she felt for James had been a joke. It had been next to nothing. She had fallen for him quickly, and she was certain that it wasn't going to stay in the past. She could actually already tell that she was falling for him again. It seemed like a circle that she could quite break out of. She hated it, but it was really as far as it went now, she fell more in love with James whenever he came back into her life. It was proving right now that they were just built to be together in this way.

The thoughts in her mind were thunderously loud, and she couldn't seem to get them out to anyone. She just wanted to talk about how she felt and what she wanted out of all of this. Yet whenever she thought about talking it through with someone it never came out. She knew her friends here in New Orleans would listen to her no matter what she did. While she also know that no matter what, her mind wasn't going to change.

Wisdom and clarity were things that came alongside spending as much time thinking as she had done recently. Absolutely everything seemed a little clearer, and that was helping her to feel like she was actually in control of how she felt. No matter whether or not she ever actually spoke about how she'd come to these conclusions, maybe the important part was that she had come to these conclusions. They could remain just in her mind forever if that was needed.

Now she was just waiting on James' flight landing. She didn't necessarily need him right now, but she wanted him. She wanted to be held and to believe that everything was right in the world. The easiest way for her to do that was to just sit with him. Yes, that would make it even more obvious that once again she'd started to fall for him, but she needed to feel normal again. James was really good at that. He made the inner light glow, and that was important to her right now.

She didn't know what was going to come tomorrow. She didn't know if this was going to be the start of a whole new chapter of her life or if this was going to be an utter failure. She was pretty certain that nobody else was going to listen to her problems with James. However, he was going to listen, and he was probably going to remind her that any relationship between the two of them was going to be something they get good at balancing. It wasn't going to be normal.

Love didn't always come easily, and she wasn't entirely sure there even was such a thing as a normal relationship. She knew that there was a lot that she wanted out of any type of relationship, things that she couldn't entirely do in something like this with James, but the truth was that she was willing to pass over, only because she knew in the long run this would work perfectly.

Some days she wished that she knew how they were going to end. That giant words or some kind of narrator would speak over the world and tell her exactly how it was all going to end. But as it was she was just going to guess. She really just wanted to know that she was doing the right thing. That she and James were doing the right thing when it came to this relationship, but now she wasn't giving up. Almost as soon as she thought about it, James appeared and all she did was run to him and wrap her arms around him.

He held her tightly, and she knew in that moment that that tiny ember she had been nursing for years was going to grow entirely into a huge fire. Everything that she wanted out of this now was that she would have someone to love, and someone to spend her life with. Of anyone, she wanted that most to be James. Everything was starting to go that way, and she knew beyond doubt that this was what she needed.

Hope was all she needed. She believed that they needed each other, and that was enough. Holding him back she felt safe and comfortable and protected. That was it all. James whispered in her ear about how much he loved her, how much he'd missed her. She just sighed happily and reminded herself that absolutely everything here was the gamble that it was totally worth taking. It was her future, their future, and she was ready for that.

 _ **I want my thoughts to be heard  
The unspoken words of my wisdom  
Today as the light starts to glow  
Tomorrow who knows who will listen  
But my life has no language of love  
No words from above are appearing  
But in time, in time the fire will grow  
With a reason for hope and believing**_


End file.
